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Hey everyone,
If you're new here, welcome to Never Enough, where I brain dump interesting stuff that has been on my mind over the last week.
- Every time I tweet about AeroPress, I get dozens of responses like this:
"When are you going to make a non-plastic version?"
Well, we've finally done it.
Last week, we released the AeroPress Premium, a gorgeous all metal and glass version and it's phenomenal. I've been testing one for the last month and I absolutely love it.
Apparently, the world agrees, because we sold out in less than 3 hours.
You can pre-order one in time for the holidays here.
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How business made me twenty best friends
In 1938, the Harvard Grant Study began following over 700 men. They came from a variety of walks of life. Some would go on to become successful leaders, including John F. Kennedy, who would later become the 35th President of the United States. Others faced hardships, becoming homeless, or struggling with mental health issues.
For eighty-six years, researchers have been following this cohort, interviewing them extensively. Doing medical examinations. Tracking things like physical health, mental well-being, and career progression. Even interviewing their wives, children, and grandchildren.
The findings are fascinating:
- Good relationships make us healthier and happier.
- Loneliness is as deadly as smoking or alcoholism.
- Wealth and fame don't buy happiness—relationships do.
- Drugs and alcohol derail lives, ruin health, and strain relationships.
To summarize: it's all about relationships. Marriage. Friends. Community.
And maybe stop drinking too.
This summer, I read The Good Life, a new book by Robert Waldinger, the study's current director, and it drove this home. As I sat on the dock of my lakeside cabin, listening to my kids play on the beach, I pondered my relationships.
I had a wonderful girlfriend. A great relationship with my two boys. A core group of close friends, and a huge extended network of acquaintances. But oddly, some of my deepest friendships had come from...business?
Why? Because I'd stumbled into group therapy, without ever intending to.
Fifteen years ago, I joined the Entrepreneur's Organization. As part of joining it, you are inducted into a "Forum".
Every month, you spend 3-4 hours in a conference room with six entrepreneurs. In it, you share your personal, family, and business problems. Highs and lows. What's going well, and what's not. It's the same group every time, and it's 100% confidential.
In my group, everyone was initially quite guarded, sticking to business topics and mostly purporting to be doing great. But as trust grew over many months, conversations went deeper. People began sharing not just business challenges, but also the struggles and triumphs in their personal and family lives.
Initially, I wasn't sure what I could learn from this group. We all ran such different businesses. Most weren't even in tech. In my first group, the other entrepreneurs ran businesses completely different from my own: a puzzle company, a woodworking shop, a popsicle company, and a mapping company. But, as my friend Brent Beshores says, it turned out, "in business, everything tastes like chicken".
Our problems were strangely universal. Over the years, we helped each other navigate:
- Failed partnerships
- Bankruptcies
- Divorces
- Fraud
- Health scares
- Toxic employees
- Mental health struggles
- Family deaths
- Challenges raising children
Some of these forum mates have become my closest friends—so close that when I needed executors for my will, I chose them without hesitation.
For the past decade, I've run multiple groups, meeting nearly every week. I no longer do it through EO—I run them myself. I have four forums, dedicating one evening a week to each. It's a rhythm that keeps me sane. Like a small, secular church group—a weekly space for real connection. A guarantee that I'll get a chance to socialize, laugh, and get some stuff off my chest.
There's something profound about sitting in a room, tackling shared struggles, and building trust over a decade. Forum has forged deeper friendships than any other part of my life—deeper than high school, college, sports, or meeting parents at my kids' school. In 15 years, it's given me over 20 incredible friendships I never expected.
If you're an entrepreneur—or even if you’re not—I can’t recommend starting a forum enough. I’ve written a guide to help you get started. According to The Harvard Grant study, it could improve your life immensely.
- My new favorite possession: A Shotgun
I recently solved a very silly problem for myself. When I let my dog out to pee in our backyard, I often leave the back door open and mosquitos and flys buzz into the house.
We have high ceilings, so big, fat flies often spend days buzzing around our heads as we try to swat at them. Sometimes, out of frustration, I'll grab a towel or book and hurl it at the ceiling, but it almost never works.
Enter, the Bug-A-Salt. I found this thing on YouTube and it's amazing. It's an air-powered shotgun that shoots table salt.
Pour in a teaspoon of table salt. Cock it. Aim at the bug. And boom, dead bug.
Be careful, by the way. You'll shoot your eye out!
You can buy them on Amazon.
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Therapy for Nerds
I've spent years in talk therapy on and off. I've tried it all: CBT, ACT, Jungian, Internal Family Systems.
It's been really helpful in working through many issues. But I've often found myself craving a system.
As a business and process nerd, I wanted something repeatable. When X happens, do Y.
This year, I started doing Dialectical Behavior Therapy and it has really resonated for his exact reason. It's like therapy for business nerds: everything is just a flow chart.
You feel upset with your partner? Overwhelmed? Irritated? At a loss?
DBT gives you a system of next actions to take for each.
Here's two principles I like:
Do the Opposite - Break negative behavior by doing the opposite of what you feel. Follow these steps:
- Identify the Urge - Notice the negative behavior you want to engage in. For instance, isolating yourself when feeling overwhelmed or lashing out verbally.
- Do the Opposite Action - Actively choose to do the opposite of that urge.
- Observe the Effect - Notice how doing the opposite affects your mood. Often, taking positive actions can change your emotions over time.
Emotional Regulation - Manage emotions in a healthy way by following these steps:
- Assess the Situation - Identify what you're feeling and why. Is there an external trigger or internal thought causing the reaction?
- Check Basics - Ask yourself if you've slept enough, eaten well, or are dehydrated. Physical needs can significantly impact emotions.
- Breathing and Mindfulness - Take deep breaths or practice mindfulness to calm your initial emotional response.
- Distract or Step Back - If you're still feeling overwhelmed, distract yourself with a different activity or take a break from the situation to gain perspective.
- Physical Intensity - If emotions remain intense, engage in vigorous exercise or take a cold shower to physically alter your state.
- Use Medication if Appropriate - If you're prescribed medication, consider if it's the right time to take it (e.g., anti-anxiety meds).
DBT is not holistic therapy. It's not going to help you work through childhood trauma or contemplate your family history. It's simply a model, for how to snap yourself out of unproductive habits.
I've found it really helpful and the "do the opposite" principle has definitely saved me from snapping in a few situations.
You can find therapist who practices DBT in your area on the Psychology Today database here.
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A few years ago, I was going through a really hard time.
I was feeling listless and confused about what to do next.
I happened to be in New Zealand for a conference, and remembered that my friend Derek Sivers lived in Wellington, so I looked him up and we grabbed coffee.
The next hour, was one of the most impactful of my life.
For those who don't know Derek, he is one of the most thoughtful and interesting people I've ever met. An entrepreneurial Yoda who lives life according to his own rule book.
I recounted that story in one of the chapters of my book, Never Enough.
Recently, Derek and I spent an hour chatting. This time for my podcast. And as always, he was absolutely fascinating.
We talk about:
- Why he gave away his $22 million dollar fortune.
- Why he's an explorer not a leader.
- How he has "burned the ships" over and over again.
- His annual ritual for reversing prejudices.
And so much more.
Check it out: YouTube, Apple, Spotify.
That’s all for this week…
-Andrew
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